I wrote this letter to my friend and former United Nations employee, Christie Desir for lending me her book 'The Road of Lost Innocence' by Somaly Mam.

Ms. Desir,

Thank you so much for lending me The Road to Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam.

I finished it in about 2 days. It was a great read and I learned a lot about Cambodian

culture and other parts of the world. I also learned a bit more about human nature and

other aspects of life.

It semi- reminded me of the types of movies we used to watch in history classes

about various places and their atrocities- JUST the atrocities, mind you. I rarely see a

documentary in a history class or an assigned reading book about the beauty of a place or

the people who have risen up from the ashes of their pasts like Somaly. A while back

when I was in probably the 3rdor 4th grade, one of my friends came out crying from a

documentary we watched about Haiti. When we asked her why, she said all of Haiti isn't

like that and now I understand that not everything everywhere is exactly how it's

portrayed in the media. That's why I'd rather know first hand or from a source I trust.

Still when I see the sadness and hurt come from certain areas of the world, I come

out of those documentaries filled with rage, ready to wage war against whoever hurt

humanity and broke the spirits of the faces I see pop onto the screen. Sometimes I pace

the floor thinking, what can I do? Its evil acts like rape and ill treatment of other human

. beings that make me hate the world. I sit there and cry and sulk. I amjust another mortal.

What can I do? I wonder if there's a place to apply to be YHWH's assistant.

Maybe he could let me slip in a humanitarian act or two during my secretary job. But I

know that's not currently possible and I feel silly for thinking it. I know people would

only laugh at me and think I'm crazy. But I want so badly to change this world for the

better. There's got to be something. Reading Somaly Mam's book really made me cry

inside. Rape is my biggest fear. To think it happens to girls half my age, every week,

every day, several times a day; it makes me sick in a way I can't even describe. It puts

darkness into my heart. I am no super hero or superior to anyone else, but I wish I was. I

want to wave away the darkness with a raise of my hand. I can't stand to see this pain,

but it's the world we live in.

I was pacing again when I realized that I was being selfish again. I wanted to

make people feel happy along with myself and I thought that that along with curing the

world of its evil would help me get closer to YHWH. No one does things for free. But

what can I do.. .I'm human. I want things. But I still try so hard to understand the

complexity of the world around me. I cycle around my brain so much it literally makes

me dizzy. What can I do to make things better? I could donate money but I'm not very

trusting. How do I know where exactly it's going? I'd rather just go myself and help

people on my own.

I might sound like a great leader or a philanthropist to some people or just an

idealistic young woman to others. I would like to think the former but some people may

think it's the latter. I don't care. I want to try.

I am not without fear. I've had a good life. I've always been able to eat and drink

water. My parents are here for me. I don't like bugs. Dirt I can deal with. I am not naIve

about the tasks at hand. Maybe I'm naIve for thinking people can make a difference

anytime they choose to; any time they fmd an opportunity. But once again, I believe it. I

think it's true. And people like Somaly Mam prove that to me. I am touched. Again, I

wonder what to do to put this goodness into focus. I try and look for opportunity and also

as she says "focus on the life in front of me." I have to make a difference one person at a

time. I don't even know how to do that. I want to inspire somebody stronger than me to

go and make a difference somehow too. I know that was a lot to take from a person

you've just recently met, but I feel as if you would know where I'm coming from, Ms.

Desir.

When you first introduced the book to us at the UNA dinner and said the author's

name, I thought that she literally changed her name to the English word 'mom' to be like

a mother to the women she helped rescue. I don't think her name is a coincidence. It is an

amazing, beautiful name which never failed to leave me awestruck by the trail of

goodness and hope it left behind. Everyone has their bad side, but Somaly seems like an

angel to me; a down to Earth angel of hope. When I feel hopeless about the state of the

world, I remember what she did and it makes me smile again. I want to make a difference

in this world: There is no way to completely irradiate evil but I want to make sure there is

more light than darkness. I want to make sure there is more good than evil and that

everyone knows that righteousness exists and it cannot be ignored.

I would recommend reading Little Bee. That was a very good book. It gives

limited information on what it's about, so I won't spoil it for you either. I think you'd like

it. I have lots of books I'm going to read including these two called Room and IQ84.

Once again, thank you for lending me your precious signed copy of the book. It inspired

me and really means a lot. Thanks for reading and I hope you are doing well.

Alana Ladson

St. John's University UNA Grant Recipient